Breaking up with self sabotage.

Hello darkness my old friend… oh it’s just you, self sabotage – I hate to break it to you but this isn’t working anymore.


You know you self sabotage if you’re always close to getting what you want, but at the last minute something seems to happen that ruins it all. Maybe you get into a relationship that you think is going well, but then you get the ick for no apparent reason other than they sneezed funny. Or you were close to meeting that big work deadline that was so important, but you overslept your alarm on the day so everything felt a bit rushed which meant it wasn’t quite as good as you wanted it to be. Opportunities just seem to keep falling through your fingertips – or maybe you don’t even get that far that they’re close enough to reach. You feel stuck and you might know what you need to do to get unstuck. Maybe it’s going to the gym because you’re unhappy with how you look, maybe it’s eating healthier – but still you just can’t seem to stick to the things that you say you’re going to do.


Enter… self sabotage.


So what is it?

Let’s get this clear. Self sabotage is another one of those subconscious things that we humans do. It’s classed as behaviours, thoughts, or actions that undermine your own goals, successes or your wellbeing. People unknowingly self sabotage for various different reasons often stemming from deep-rooted beliefs, fears, emotional patterns and/or unresolved trauma. Sounds fun, right? (Wrong).


There are many, many, many complex things that it can be linked back to. Whether that’s a fear of failure leading you to sabotage your efforts to avoid the potential disappointment or rejection. It could be linked to low self-worth, low self-confidence or feelings of unworthiness which can lead to you sabotaging yourself because you don’t feel like you deserve success.  It can look like being fearful of being alone, so you unintentionally push away your relationships and ultimately therefore end up being alone anyway. It can look like a fear of what’s on the other side of success, so you stop yourself from committing and going after what will make you successful. These negative self beliefs can result in you acting in such a way that confirms the original negative belief – a self fulfilling prophecy.


You’re over the initial hurdle, you’ve recognised that you do these things and you want to change your behaviour. You’re ready to have ‘the talk’ with your self sabotage and finally cut ties, but how do you do this?


Let me tell you, it can be tough – but doing the things that are the hardest is always worth it. You learn so much about yourself and ultimately come out the other side a better, stronger and more mindful version of you. However, you have to push through the discomfort this brings – real change isn’t easy. You’re going against your usual subconscious coping mechanisms and creating new ones, which means you have to get out of your comfort zone and let me tell you your subconscious will try to get back into your usual comfortable routines and BOOM self sabotage tries to come crawling back. It’s a cycle, but one that you can learn to break and manage. So buckle up, learn to sit with being uncomfortable until your subconscious eventually catches up with you. You can do it – I believe in you. 


Developing self-awareness is the key first step – start by identifying the specific ways in which you self-sabotage, paying attention to your thoughts, emotions and behaviours – especially at those peak challenging moments. You can then start to explore and challenge the beliefs that sit under your self-sabotage. Are they based on fear, insecurity or past experiences? Now, we know that our thoughts are not facts so this is where you can challenge those core beliefs by questioning how valid they really are and replacing them with more empowering ones. We can work together to truly get rid of those limiting beliefs by using simple yet powerful NLP techniques to wave goodbye to those unhelpful patterns. 


With any kind of awareness, support is your friend. You need to build ways to support your newly found sense of self awareness and develop positive habits, routines and coping strategies that help you to move towards your goals and empower your new positive beliefs. This will make it easier for you to bounce back when you start to recognise the self sabotaging thoughts and actions trying to creep back in. Positive habits, routines and coping strategies will help you to identify healthier ways to cope with stress, discomfort and negative emotions. This could look like practising mindfulness techniques, meditation, journaling, exercise – start to say hello to a better version of you. 


Truly breaking up with self sabotage takes time, effort – and you have to want to put in the work to get the best possible results. But I can tell that you’re SO ready to create better habits and finally reach your goals, aren’t you? You’re ready to do the hard things to create a life you didn’t quite think was possible – let me tell you you’re a lot closer than you think you are. 


Remember any change is a gradual process and asking for help along the way is key. Work with me to have you in your corner so you stay committed to your growth journey and trust me when I say I’ll celebrate your successes with you every step of the way.


Let’s wave goodbye to your self sabotage, you’re ready to make it happen. Let’s go!

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